Ok, fat man - it's that time of year again. I've been good all year long and I expect to be rewarded for my outstanding track record. You and I both know that thing with the 18 year-old waitress and the karaoke machine was not entirely my fault. That being said, I would like to ask you for a few items this Christmas. Now, I know you're a pretty busy man so I wanted to request things that not only I desire, but that would generally make the world a better place for all of us. So here we are: things that I would like this Christmas, or sometime in the near future, in no particular order...
1). iPod upgrades - video is a step in the right direction, but can we get a larger screen? 2.5 inches is fine for a 4 minute Pixar video, but there is no way I can last watching a half-hour show without going blind. Can we also get the wireless iPod already? And would it kill you to add a FM tuner?
2). Netflix Adult category - Netflix is the almost perfect video rental model. You send me 2-3 DVD's of my choice (in a sealed envelope) and I get to keep them as long as I want. I mean, ultimately its totally up to you, but you think you could add an adult film category? It would complete the Netflix experience, y'know? And - NO - foreign films from France and Mexico do not count.
3). Smarter TiVo Suggestions - while I appreciate the TiVo Suggestions, I sometimes can't help but think my TiVo doesn't know me anymore. Let's just say some of the suggestions are a bit, well, questionable. I mean, there's just so much "Oprah After The Show" a man can deal with. Can we get someone working on this asap?
4). Can you somehow, um, "misplace" Donny Deutcsh? I swear if I have to watch this douchebag one more time, I might just have to kill myself.
5). Would it be possible to do the same for anybody who has ever appeared on "My Sweet 16"?
6). One more please - Ashton Kutcher. Cheers.
That's it, really. See? I didn't ask for much. I was going to throw in World Peace, but Bono's already got that covered. Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays everybody!
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